Monday, September 15, 2008

the stages of grief

I'm disappointed. That's all... I'm not angry. I'm not (really) surprised. I'm certainly not happy. I'm not even hopeful anymore. Not even cautiously.
It's over. I'm finally willing to admit that I've run out of faith. My new mantra: Next year is gonna rock. It'd better.

I keep sitting in front of the com-puta-dora (don't ask), and staring blankly at the screen, searching for the words to capture my feelings, but there are none, really.

Grief is a process, and I hadn't realized it until now, but I am smack in the middle of grieving the playoff possibilities of this team.

Let's recap, shall we?
Stage one: Shock. (gasp) There are only 12 games left and we're out of (realistic) contention for the division title and behind three teams in the wild card race. Could it be that the Cardinals won't make the playoffs this year? I can't breathe...

Stage two: Denial. What do you mean, there's no chance? There's always a chance until you've been mathematically eliminated. See, if the Brewers lose 12 in a row, the Phillies lose 18 of 20, and the Mets get abducted by aliens, everything will be fine. There's no crying in baseball!

Stage three: Anger. I can't believe he didn't make that play! This whole thing is Felipe Lopez' fault. Just shut up, okay? I can't even talk about it right now, and you are an idiot! I hate the Cubs...

Stage four: Bargaining. What if I promise to make pie if we win some games? Or brownies if we give everyone on the Phillies the measels? I'll go to church every week (or so) if we could just string together a few wins! Please!

Stage five: Depression. I can't even blog because my world is ending. Thhhbbbbtttt.

Stage six: Testing. Okay, we just need a plan. We need to win a few games in a row, get our confidence up, and then maybe we can still do it, right? After all, the Brewers are sliding and the Mets have a history of giving away leads.

Stage seven: Acceptance. All right, you're right. It's over. We tried our best, we gave it a shot, and we came up short. Good thing it's only a game and not really all that important in the grand scheme of things. Rest in peace 2008 St. Louis Cardinals.

I'm fully prepared to feel like a complete idiot if something outrageous happens and I'm proven wrong. I have no problem with that.