Friday, March 20, 2009

the 850-thousand dollar man

Ever since my last post (about 24 hours), I've been thinking about Chris Duncan and his need for a commercial. So I made one in my head.

Have you ever seen those commercials where it starts as a black screen and then there's kind of a pulse feeling, as it brightens on certain scenes just long enough for you to see what's going on, then darkens again? Dark...scene...dark...scene... you get it? I can't think of a specific example right now, but if I do, I'll let you know.

In my Play Like a Cardinal commercial (if only I had access to Duncan and a studio where I could put this together), it would pulse in and out to show scenes of Chris doing different baseball-related things, and then.... well, here. Just read.

(Disclaimer: I did not steal any of this from anywhere, and I don't even know who Lee Majors is.)

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Starts dark.

Brightens to scene of Duncan in a brightly lit operating room, lying on metal table as doctors and scientists wearing surgical gowns and masks stand over him... then darkens again.

Brightens to scene of Duncan in a gym benching weights... darkens again.

Brightens to scene of the operating room again, close-up of monitors showing vital signs... darkens again.

Brightens to scene of Duncan fielding fly balls... darkens again.

Brightens to scene of the operating room again, close-up of robotic prosthetics, tools, metal rods, and various nuts and bolts on tables covered with blue surgical linens; lots of activity, people working on Duncan... darkens again.

Brightens to scene of Duncan swinging away in the batting cage... darkens again.

Brightens to scene of the operating room again, close-up of nurses wiping sweat off the surgeon/mechanic's forehead as he leans over Duncan with some sort of power tool... darkens again.

Brightens to scene of Duncan in front of his locker buttoning his jersey... darkens again.

Brightens to scene of the operating room again, start on Duncan's face as he's smiling, pan out to show the hectic room from ceiling view, as doctors race to fix him, monitors are flashing... darkens again.

Brightens to scene of Duncan taking the field with crowd cheering and stadium lights on... darkens again to show STLCardinals.com logo.

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Get it? It's Duncan being turned into a cyborg! Or something. They're not actually operating on him, but rather replacing his human parts with titanium parts. See, because he has a titanium disc in his cervical spine. I knew you'd catch on.

I'm not really a producer, so it may need some tweaking. Suggestions?